Akuma Mind's Eye
by Tessaflo
Summary: A ghost from the past threatens to destroy Jaina Solo's future.


***

This is my first attempt at a fan fic, so I really need feedback. And although the story is mine, I'm borrowing the characters, universe, etc. from their rightful owners. Star Wars belongs to G. Lucas and company. So please don't sue me, cause I haven't got any money anyway. J Oh, yeah. I don't mind you want to distribute this, as long as you don't change any part of it. 

***

Akuma

Or

In the Mind's Eye

__

She was walking down a long, curving corridor. Her footsteps echoed loudly in the intense, almost oppressive silence that hung in the air. With a start, she realized that the loud th-thump she heard was the beating of her heart. Her breath rasped in her throat. In the harsh, brilliant light that was intensified and reflected off the white walls, ceiling and floor, her shadow had disappeared completely.

"Is anyone there?" Her voice echoed back at her, taunting her. "…there…there…" She continued to walk forward, looking nowhere and everywhere all at once. She knew she was not alone, though she didn't know how she knew. But the same sixth sense also told her that there was a monster waiting up ahead of her, a terrible, terrifying thing. And although her mind screamed for her to turn and flee as fast as she could, her legs kept moving forward.

"Please." A voice whispered, echoing impossibly loud around her. "Someone. Anyone. Help me." There was desperation born of sheer terror in it. "Please…"

She started to run forward, towards the sobbing cries. As she rounded the corner, a wall of flame sprang up, blocking her path. She would have to find a way around it. She turned, only to come face to face with a wall that hadn't existed before. 

"Please, help me." Closing her eyes, she ran forward, through the tall flames. For a brief moment, a searing heat burned agony into her, then she was through. Opening her eyes, she looked behind her. The flames had vanished, leaving only tendrils of smoke to hover in the air as proof of their existence. Then she realized that the pitiful sobbing had ceased. She sprinted down the hall, knowing that she was too late, but needing to try anyway. Soon, her lungs were on fire and she gasped for breath. She rounded a corner and stopped dead in her tracks. The hall had dead-ended into a large, empty room. There, waiting for her was a horrible, evil thing. It was black, black as the shadows under her bed that had scared her so when she was younger. Its shape was vaguely humanoid, although not defined, but she could make out the cruel claws on its hands. Its eyes glowed with an eerie, burning light. When it saw her, it let out a laugh that made her heart stop cold. A terror she had never known before had her in its grips, and she could not fight it. As it moved towards her, like a predator over it's kill, her fear rooted her feet to the ground. Gasping for breath, she willed her legs to move. As the evil moved in for the kill, she heard a whoosh and looked down to find her lightsaber glowing in her hand, not with its usual violet hue, but with a black to rival the creature itself. 

She had little time to wonder, for the thing sprang at her, talons unsheathed and with a shriek that nearly made her drop her lightsaber and flee. As it descended upon her, she jumped back, barely avoiding the sharp claws. Desperately, she lunged at it, but it dodged the blow easily. It attacked again and again, and each time she barely avoided getting slashed. She was now trapped in a corner, with no where to go as it lunged at her once more. In a last attempt to escape certain death, she rolled forward under it and sprang up behind it. Before it could turn and face her, she slashed it cleanly through the waist. With an earsplitting yowl, it fell to the floor, twitching in agony. Panting, her arms shaking, she stood over it watching out of a sense of morbid curiosity as the convulsions ended and it died. 

A bright flash of light blinded her, and when she looked back, the monster had disappeared. In its place lay a young human girl with slivery hair and dark, ebony skin. Mindless of the blood on her hands and clothes, she fell to the ground and cradled the girl's head, checking for a pulse she knew she would not find. Her hands came away covered in blood. She stared, transfixed, at her hands and blinked at another flash of light. When she opened her eyes, her hands had changed. Instead of stained with blood, they were now deep black, the tips of her fingers ending in vicious claws. A scream rose in her throat as she noticed that the rest of her body was pitch black. The walls, floor and ceiling were suddenly a reflective surface. She stared at what shape met her eyes. There, staring back, was the monster she had defeated only moments before. The scream that had been building inside her ripped loose. But instead of a human voice, it was the howl of a monster. She was still screaming when the floor dropped out from under her and she fell and fell…

*****

Jaina Solo woke just in time to hit the cold stone floor, hard enough to knock the wind from her lungs. Gasping for breath, she extricated herself from the bedclothes and sat up, rubbing her side. She was sitting on the floor of her room in the temple that housed the Jedi Academy. Although it was not quite dawn, she decided anything would be better than going back to sleep. At the refresher, she washed her face with cold water, as much to wake up as to remove the cold sweat from her skin. After changing into a fresh jumpsuit, she left her room and walked through the quiet halls. She seemed to be the only one awake at this hour. Breakfast being three hours away, she decided to take a walk in the jungle. 

The jungle was alive with sounds: the rustle of leaves, the cheep of the avian species, water dripping off leaves. But Jaina was oblivious to these things as she walked briskly under among the trees. Unlike most dreams that were forgotten upon awaking, she remembered every detail of this one. And no matter how she tried, she couldn't achieve that calm center that she normally could. She found herself jittery, jumping at even the smallest sound. None of the calming techniques she had learned worked, and the dream remained stubbornly in her mind, foremost in her thoughts. Her pace quickened, and soon she was running through the trees, her breath heavy in her lungs. Hoping that the exercise would help calm her, she ran for the better part of two hours, making a huge circle around the temple. When she finally came to a stop, breathless, the muscles in her legs complaining, her mind was at least somewhat clearer, and she could almost forget the gruesome images of her dream. 

She had just enough time for a shower and change of clothes before breakfast. When she entered the dining chamber, bustling with all sorts of students and teachers, she heard her brother call her name.

"Jaina! Over here." He gestured to an empty seat across from him. She nodded and, having filled her tray, slid into the seat next to Tenel Ka. Her brother beamed at her. "Wanna hear a joke?" She sighed, wondering how she could possibly be related to him. 

"Only if I haven't heard it before." 

"Nope, I just thought of this one." He paused to clear his throat. "Ahem. Why didn't the Ugor cross the speeder track?" Jaina glanced at Lowie, who rolled his eyes.

"I don't know. Why _didn't _the Ugor cross the speeder track?"

Jacen grinned in triumph. "'Cause it didn't have the guts." A chorus of groans failed to dampen his enthusiasm. "Didn't have the guts. Get it?" Jaina sighed again.

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh." She glanced at the chronometer on the wall. "Oops. Gotta go. I'm supposed to do maintenance on the _Shadow Chaser_ right now." She stood and gathered up her tray. 

"But you haven't even touched your breakfast." Jacen protested. Jaina looked down at her untouched food.

"That's okay. I'm not really hungry anyway." He brother frowned. His sister had an appetite that sometimes rivaled his. As she left, Jaina couldn't resist one more barb. "Hey, that reminds me, I have a joke for you. It's nowhere as good as yours, though. It goes like this: 'Take my brother, please.'" With that, she left. Jacen turned to Tenel Ka, who, to his utter amazement, was chuckling. Beside him, Lowie was whuffing, the Wookie equivalent of laughter.

"What? I don't get it. That wasn't a joke. It doesn't even make sense." After a moment of fierce concentration, he groaned. "Okay, I get it now. But it still isn't funny." He turned back to his breakfast. There was something nagging at his mind, something he was missing. But the most he could get out of it was that something wasn't quite right with his sister. He decided to ignore the vague feeling for now, either it would grow on him or vanish completely. Shrugging, he resumed eating.

*****

All through the morning, while she worked on tuning the ship's engines and replacing its navicomputer, she couldn't seem to concentrate, her mind wandering to her nightmare. For some reason, she was more on edge than normal. Absently, she raised her hydrospanner to the sublight drive unit. The instant the tool made contact, a burning sensation leapt up her arm. A puff of smoke floated up from the unit as she dropped the tool. Luke Skywalker, who had stopped by to help for a little while, stuck his head out of the doorway.

"What were you doing? Even I know better that to tinker with a drive unit without disconnecting the power source. You're lucky that only the auxiliary power was on, or you'd be a human torch by now." He frowned. "I know you know better than that. What's wrong?" His voice held concern. She shook her head, unconsciously rubbing feeling into her numb hand.

"Nothing's wrong. I just got distracted, that's all. Forgot what I was doing." Shrugging it off, she picked up the hydrospanner and inspected it for damage, hoping her uncle wouldn't press the matter. He opened his mouth to say something, then thought the better of it and turned away.

"Okay, but try to focus more. I'd hate to explain to your parents that a steaming puddle on the floor was their daughter." Jaina noted with relief that he believed her. She couldn't tell him that, for a brief moment, she had seen a face reflected off the metal panel. A face with silvery hair and dark skin. A face that both accused and terrified her all at once.

*****

Later that day, the students all had lightsaber drills. Jaina was paired with Lowie. As the two faced off, and began their practice skirmish, Skywalker lectured form the sidelines.

"Let the Force flow through you. Reach through it and sense your opponent's next move. Once you have achieved harmony with the Force, let it guide your actions, lead your feet." He told the dueling opponents. Jaina found herself at a natural disadvantage, Lowie's arms being longer than hers gave him a greater reach. Normally, this would not pose a problem because Jaina was very adept at quick parries and retreats. But today, despite her uncle's advice, she felt clumsy and awkward. Using the Force felt like swimming upstream in a river. She couldn't achieve the state of mind necessary to be one with the Force. He thoughts were random and cluttered. Calmness eluded her as much as the Force. 

As she grew more and more frustrated with herself, it was all she could do to defend herself against Lowie's attack. All of her concentration was devoted to parrying the Wookie's assaults. Step by step, she was forced back, and nearly tripped over a protruding stone. Lurching ungracefully up, she had a difficult time keeping her balance. As Lowie once again raised his blade, she froze. There, standing among the crowd was the girl from her dream. There was a horrible gash in her side. She stood still, her eyes cold and accusing. Jaina stood rooted in place, unable to move, her eyes locked on the girl. Her fight with Lowie forgotten, she didn't see the incoming attack. 

Lowie rushed her, his lightsaber moving quickly towards her. By the time he realized that she wasn't blocking him, it was too late. Jaina saw the blade as it was inches away from her. She twisted to one side, and the blade that would have cut her in half only grazed her side. She fell to the ground as a searing agony spread from her side. Lowie, in a state of shock tossed his lightsaber away and ran to assist her. A moment later she was joined by her brother and uncle. A pain-filled haze clouded her vision, and she dimly heard her uncle's reassuring voice. Then she fell away into darkness.

*****

__

She was in the temple, in the gathering room. In the dim light shadows surrounded her. Mocking laughter grated on her ears. A shadow stepped into the light, and she flinched at the familiar cruel smile. 

"Did you think you could escape from me?" She shook her head. 

"No. you're dead. I saw you get eaten. You can't hurt me anymore." She whispered. Hethrir laughed. It was not a pleasant sound. Another shadow stepped into the light.

"You'll never be free of us, darling niece." Thracken Sal Solo gloated.

"We're a part of you." She jumped at Brakiss' voice.

"We have great plans in store for you." Jourus C'Boath's voice made her shudder.

"Don't you see, child? You can't escape."

"Even your so-called master embraced our ways."

"It is your destiny." The mask of Darth Vader shone cruelly down on her. The figures began spinning around her, taunting her. Everywhere she turned, they were there. Anger lent her strength. 

"No." She shouted. "I will never be like you. I will never become what you wished." They spun faster as their shadows grew over her. Their laughter grew louder and louder. "I will never give in, never turn." Her voice sounded small and frightened. Darth Vader's voice was calm and confident. 

"But you already have." Her hands glowed red and transformed into black claws. The laughter turned triumphant. She couldn't escape it. The spinning grew faster and faster to dizzying speeds and then converged on her and she couldn't yell or cry or even breathe and she was terrified…

*****

She awoke with a gasp and sat up fast enough to make her head spin. Momentarily disoriented, she concentrated on breathing normally. She was in the temple's modest medbay. A sharp pain in her side served to remind her how she got there. As she winced, a figure approached her.

"About time you woke up." She managed a shaky grin at her brother. Though he smiled back, the concern on his face remained. "You scared the jeepers out of me and just about everyone else." He glared at her in mock anger. A knock at the door interrupted him. A moment later, her uncle, followed by Tenel Ka and Lowie walked in. 

"Indeed. I am glad you recovered," said the warrior girl. Her uncle nodded.

"You were lucky. A few centimeters more, and you would have lost a lung, if not died. As it is, you lost a lot of blood, but should be out of here in a few hours." He smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I should let your parents know you're awake, before your dad wrings my neck. I think I'm leaving you in good hands." He left the room, closing the door behind him. Jaina settled back into a more comfortable position. Her brother sat down next to her. The others gathered around her. Lowie looked miserable. Refusing to look her in the eyes, he groaned in distress.

"Sorry for what?" Jaina asked. "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done. So don't you dare blame yourself, ok?" The Wookie nodded gruffly. Her brother frowned.

"So, what happened? You're usually good at lightsaber drills? I've never seen you so clumsy before." She shrugged.

"I couldn't calm down enough and relax, I guess. Then I started to get frustrated, then angry at myself and I guess I lost focus. The next thing I knew, I was down on the ground feeling like I'd been through a food processor." She grinned in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Stupid mistake, eh?" This elicited a grin from her friends. She was about to say something else when she yawned. Tenel Ka and Lowie took the cue and left her to get some rest. Jacen remained behind. 

"You can't fool me that easily. We're twins, remember? There's something you're not telling me. Why were you so afraid out there?" Sensing that her brother wasn't about to back down, groped for a believable answer. 

"You'd be afraid if you were about to get impaled on a lightsaber, too. Honestly, nothing's wrong. I'm fine." He was only semi convinced. 

"Okay, but are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?" He held her gaze, concern written on his face. Not without convincing you I'm going crazy, she thought. Smiling, she shook her head.

"You're starting to sound like Mom." She yawned again. "Now get out so I can get some sleep. I'll see you in a few hours." He nodded walked out, not entirely convinced but sensing he wouldn't get anything more out of her. Long after he left, she sat wide awake, thinking. Thought she was tired, the thought of sleeping made her shudder. 

"Maybe I am going crazy," she said aloud. 

*****

The next few days were a torture for Jaina. What little sleep she got was filled with horrible nightmares that left her trembling and drenched in sweat. The circles under her eyes deepened with the passing of each day. She had no appetite and often skipped meals in order to avoid drawing attention to herself. And now the dreams were invading her waking moments. She would catch a glimpse of the girl out of the corner of her eye, but when she turned to face her, the figure would vanish. Always there would be a look of accusation on her face, and sometimes she would point an accusing finger at her. It didn't matter where she was, she could feel the sad eyes on her. She found it almost impossible to focus on what she was doing, and began making stupid mistakes. 

Her behavior had not gone unnoticed. She was too wrapped up in her own misery to notice that her uncle's gaze seemed to settle on her more and more often. Those closest to her couldn't help but notice the circles under her eyes and how drawn and pale she looked. Jacen tried several times to discover what was troubling her to no avail. She seemed to be withdrawing farther and farther into herself with each passing day. 

*****

Jaina was at her wit's end. It was becoming harder and harder to distinguish between reality and dreams. The voices from her dreams whispered incessantly in her ears, laughing and taunting her into insanity, growing louder by the moment. Everywhere she turned she was confronted by shadows. Hethrir, C'boath, Brakis, Vader; they surrounded her. And always beside them the silent girl. No matter how fast or far she ran, they remained. 

Late one night, she was walking along the temple wall when she heard her name. Whirling, she found herself face to face with the monster from her dreams. It stalked towards her, claws outstretched. With a cry, she ignited her lightsaber and lunged at it, desperate to silence its laughter. It retreated from her wild slashes and strokes. Sobbing in terror, she sank to the ground, exhausted. The creature howled in triumph and reached out. She closed her eyes and covered her ears, trying to block out the howls, the voices. A hand on her shoulder made her start and look up. Her uncle's face peered down at her, worry etched on his features. As he knelt beside her, everything that had been pent up inside her broke through and she collapsed, sobbing, into his arms, whispering, "make it stop" over and over.

*****

Unable to help his niece and fearing for her sanity, Luke Skywalker enlisted the aid of Clighal, a healer. In the presence of her brother and Uncle, Jaina reluctantly described her dream to the gentle Mon Calamari. 

"Sounds pretty crazy, huh?" she asked shakily when she finished. Clighal smiled down at her.

"Not at all." She hastened to reassure the frightened girl. "It sounds as if your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something. In fact, your symptoms match those of a patient with repressed memories." At the blank looks, she explained. "Sometimes, something happens that, for one reason or another, the conscious mind tries to forget. So our subconscious mind buries that memory so deep that we often don't know what it is we forget, or even that we forgot it. But, over time, those memories can resurface, triggered by an event or even for no reason. These memories often manifest themselves through dreams and/or hallucinations, like the ones affecting you." Luke nodded in understanding.

"What is the treatment for this condition." Clighal thought a moment.

"Since repressing these memories is very harmful, the best treatment is a controlled recollection." She turned to Jaina. "Once you allow these memories to surface and confront them, they will cease to torment you." Jaina was silent. 

"Then will the voices go away?" Clighal was struck by the desperation in the girl's voice. 

"All of the symptoms will disappear, yes." The girl nodded decisively.

"What do I have to do?" Clighal nodded. She instructed Jaina to lie down and relax.

"Close your eyes and relax. I'm going to put you in a healing trance. Clear your mind of everything except the sound of my voice. As I count down to one, you will begin to remember everything." She felt a twinge of fear from the child. "Do not worry, we will be with you." She nodded at the others, and all three Jedi stretched out through the Force and linked their minds to Jaina's. "Ten, nine, eight…"

*****

__

"…three, two, one." She was standing in a large room. In her hand was a lightsaber, but not her lightsaber; the blade was the wrong color. Extinguishing the blade, she threw the weapon away from her.

"No. I'm done playing your games," Jaina insisted.

"We do not play here, we practice. This is important training." Brakiss' voice sounded hollow through the speakers.

"Fighting stupid holographic monsters? I won't do it anymore. I've done too much for you already. Either kill me or let me go, because I'll never serve you." 

Brakiss was silent. "That I see, child. Skywalker has taught you well, perhaps too well. Very well. I offer you a challenge, then. A chance." 

Jaina distrusted the silky smoothness of his voice. "No. I don't care about your challenge. I want to see my brother and Lowie, now."

"But my dear, this concerns them as much as you. I offer you a chance to free them, and yourself." 

Jaina paused. 'What kind of chance?"

Brakiss laughed. "Simple. If you can defeat me with that lightsaber, you three are free to leave."

She frowned. "And if I loose?"

"Then you die." He was deadly serious. "Obviously I can't force you to turn. But being the honorable person that I am, I will give you this chance instead of killing you outright." She was silent, thinking. "Come now, child. I offer you a fair chance."

She set her mouth into a grim line. She couldn't let a chance to escape go by, even a long shot. "How do I know you'll keep your word?"

"I could have killed you at any time. That I didn't is proof enough." 

She nodded. "Fine. If I defeat you, you let us go."

"If you don't, then you die. Agreed?"

"Agreed." She fetched the fallen lightsaber and ignited it. A door at the far end of the room opened and Brakiss strode through. With a hiss, he ignited his own weapon. They circled each other, measuring, looking for weaknesses. Then he lunged toward her. She blocked his strike, and their weapons crashed together. She twisted off to the side and brushed his blade away. He came in low, and she jumped over his blade, at the same time slashing down on him. He blocked her strike and pushed her back. He feinted right, then spun around left to catch her off guard. She had anticipated his actions and his blade found nothing but air. 

He pressed forward, using brute strength. His furious blows forced her back into the wall. Deflecting his blows, she used the wall itself to go up and over him. He spun around, barely blocking her thrust. He parried it and leapt at her. She tripped and fell backward, his blade barely clearing her head. Now, her mind screamed, while he's off balance. Her blade cut a deep gash across his chest. As she scrambled back, he fell to the floor. It was over. A sour taste in her mouth, she threw the weapon away from her. Trying to catch her breath, she turned to leave. A mocking laugh stopped her dead.

"Very impressive," Brakiss sneered. "I didn't expect you to win. I have underestimated you."

She stared at the body. "You're dead. I won." As she watched, the body blurred, then reshaped itself. In front of her was the body of a girl her age, with long silvery hair and dark ebony skin. 

Brakiss laughed. "You see. That wasn't so hard. All it took was the proper motivation. You show great potential"

She knelt next to the girl, checking for a pulse she knew she wouldn't find. Tears streamed down her face as she cradled her head, mindless of the blood on her hands. 

"No," she whispered, "what have I done?"

"Pity." Brakiss' voice mocked her. "She was the most promising student yet. But no matter. You have just taken an important first step. Soon you will live up to your reputation as Darth Vader's grandchild."

"No. You tricked me. I didn't mean to.."

"Nonsense. I simply provided a little motivation, and with a simple holographic disguise, you rose brilliantly to the occasion."

She let herself be led back to her cell, her mind numb. Alone, she stared at her bloody hands, while her mind screamed out that she was a killer, she had killed. Too shocked to cry, she frantically scrubbed the blood from her hands and clothes. At last, exhausted and trembling, she drifted off to sleep. While she slept, the horrible thing she had done was buried deep in her subconscious, all memory of it ever occurring erased. Then she was being pulled away, pulled back…

*****

Clighal was the first to awaken. A moment later, Luke and Jacen come out of their trances. The boy looked shaken, his face pale. Although outwardly calm. Clighal read torment in Skywalker's eyes. The healer turned to her patient. She had lapsed into a deep sleep.

"She's fine. The best thing for her now is sleep. Once her body has recovered from it's ordeal, she will awaken."

Jacen was determined to remain with his sister. "I'll stay with her." He frowned at her still form. "Why didn't you tell me, Jaya?" At a nod from Luke, the two adults stepped outside. 

Luke was shaken. "What a horrible thing. No wonder she wanted to forget it. If I had known…"

Clighal silenced him. "You could not have. Not even a Jedi Master knows everything. What is important is that you know now. You can help her deal with what happened. She will blame herself. She must understand that why she did is just as important as what she did." She paused. "What happened was indeed horrible. But now the healing process can begin. She will work through this and come out stronger than ever."

*****

Jaina woke with a start. As the memories came flooding back, she choked back a sob. Jacen, who had fallen asleep in his chair, awoke at the sound. Silently he sat sown next to her and hugged his sister, rocking her back and forth as she cried out her anger and grief and guilt. 

*****

__

The girl stood across from her. The bloody gash was healed and she smiled, forgiveness shining from her eyes. Then she turned and vanished into the light. Jaina looked down at her hands and smiled. They were normal human hands, clean and pure.


End file.
